My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
