I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize