i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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