I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
