You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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