He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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