so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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