Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
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