guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
