My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
