he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
