forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
