smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
