how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
