this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
