I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
