Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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