So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
