She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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