he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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