I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
