Tell her she can't have a vagina
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
