i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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