I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
