Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.