I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches