i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Blood and glitter go together right?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's