My hair reeks of homosexuality.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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