I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?