6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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