i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
