i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
