You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
