This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
