my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
