No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
