Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
