flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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