i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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