as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
