Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize