Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
