All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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