im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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