Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
