: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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