Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
