STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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