so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
