I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize