I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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