i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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