He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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