if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
im holly from the hills drunk
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
