Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
