the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
