goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
