Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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