Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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