She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
