Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
