remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
