I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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