I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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